Cultural WTF: “It’s Just a Flesh Wound….”

Posted on June 7, 2011 by admin

We’ve had a virus-y, virus-y winter here in the CIE household.  By the time spring finally rolled around, I was just hoping and praying for a virus-free week; the four of us just seemed in such an endless cycle.  So needless to say, we had stockpiles of tissues, ibuprofen, and cough drops.

And one winter morning, I realized that my Hall’s cough drops were trying to say something to me.  Aside from the familiar Halls logo on each wrapper, I found a saying.  What would a Hall’s cough drop have to say to a sick family?  This:

“Nothing you can’t handle”

and

“The show must go on.  Or work”

and

“Get back in there, champ!”

Um, Hall’s?  Are you effing kidding me?  For one, you have no business dispensing unwarranted medical advice to my family.  Let alone reckless medical advice.  If you’re hellbent on doing this very stupid thing in your marketing campaign, why not make it an open, honest message?:

“Get back out there and infect your friends so that they can get sick and buy Halls and get out there and infect their friends, and…….”.  You get the picture.  You suck, Halls.  No, really, you suck.

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Happy Mother’s Day

Posted on May 6, 2011 by admin

On my first official Mother’s Day in 2008, I was so very weary.  I was a stay at home mom to a 6 month old baby that didn’t like sleeping very much.  The sleep deprivation had gone on so long that sleep was something that I could only fantasize about.  And I did. Often.  Okay, constantly.

And somehow I’d developed the notion that Mother’s Day would be this great reprieve; that the neverending duties of motherhood would be lifted for a day, and that it would be all flowers and breakfast in bed and ohmygod……sleep.  But in retrospect, that was the wishful thinking of my very impaired brain.  As nice as my first Mother’s Day ended up being, there was still laundry, and dirty diapers, and mealtime, and yes………sleep deprivation.  I’d let the fantasies get the best of me, and missed out on what Mother’s Day really is: a day to celebrate our families, and honor our mothers.

And now that my then-6 month old baby is a 3 1/2 year old boy, I’m finally getting some rest.  For the most part.  And I’ve learned to focus on the real joys of motherhood for this weekend: my wonderful family and the neverending gifts that they give me every single day.  My mom for being the most wonderful, kind, amazing person that I can imagine.  Happy Mother’s Day!

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Garage Sale Friday

Posted on April 8, 2011 by admin

It’s baaaaack!  Now that spring has sprung, and my youngest is off to school, mommy has a little time for garage sales again!  Visited just two sales this morning, and even so, was a little late to the punch, but still found the following gem for five bucks:

That’s Alice in Wonderland……….illustrated by Ralph Steadman.  Of Hunter S. Thompson fame.

I was actually even thinking about rereading Alice in Wonderland recently.  Serendipitous.

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How Much do you Weigh?

Posted on April 7, 2011 by admin

In a past life I taught English as a Second Language in a study abroad program run by the University here.  In the Communication Skills section, I can still recall one of the handouts, mimeographed in its original form year after year, through the decades: “English Language Taboos”.  Subjects which should not be brought up nor asked about in friendly conversation: how much money one earns, how old someone is, political affiliations, and good god, never ask someone how much they weigh.

And even now, years later, despite all of the rapid shifts in our culture, these taboos hold firm.  I find this curious.  The number we see when we step on the scale is a universal thing.  Why is it such a verboten topic of conversation?

“How much do you weigh?”
A simple Google search of this phrase turns up a lot of what anyone would need to know about how our culture treats this question.  The top search results include a handful of articles about how much you should weigh, as well as a handful of calculators to determine how much you would weigh on the moon.  Or on Venus.  If only we could escape gravity, apparently we would all be much much lighter, or comically heavy.

The real, straightforward answer to this question is so taboo that we are left to only guess at the weight of others, and by this hand, we are taught to be ashamed of our own.  Even if we could work up the nerve to ask a fellow human this question, if we would dare let these words fall from our lips to the ears of another, the mere question is so abrasive that we really can’t expect a straightforward answer.
Honestly speaking, although I think the taboo is unfortunate, if someone asked me this question right now, I’d hedge:
“How much do you weigh?” they’d ask.
Cheeks turning red.  “Around 125”.  And in a huff I’d change the subject.  The weight issue is too pointed, too uncomfortable.  And even though that person had the nerve to ask me, I’d never turn the question around and ask them.  Couldn’t do it.
But my honest answer, the one that I would give if the embarrassment over the taboo could be lifted, is this:  This morning I weighed 126.  Yesterday I was 128.  I’ve been hovering around 128 for the past few months, with 125 being the lowest on record since the birth of my second child last year.  When I’m not pregnant or nursing, my range is lower, around 118-120, so I’m uncomfortable saying that I’m 128 because I don’t feel that that is my ideal weight.  In my mind, it sounds bad.  But really, who the hell else besides me cares?  It bothers me that I would even feel the need to explain the number that is my weight.  By way of apology, or defense, or who knows what.
The reality is that my weight is just a number.  I can influence that number, but to some extent, I cannot and should not have full control of it.  And I wonder what would change if this taboo were lifted — how our thinking as a culture might change if someone’s weight were a comfortable topic, or at least an open secret.  Would this involuntary reflex of shame be lifted?  What do you think would happen?  If you could find out the weight of others, would you want to know?

So, how much do you weigh?

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What I Really Think About ‘Perfect’ Motherhood

Posted on April 6, 2011 by admin

“What you call ‘love’ was invented by guys like me to sell nylons.”

–Don Draper, Mad Men

“Visualize success, but don’t believe your eyes; it’s a version of the world without the will to despise it.”

–The New Pornographers

The release of fellow bloggers Hollee Schwartz Temple and Becky Beaupre Gillespie’s new book “Good Enough is the New Perfect: Finding Happiness and Success in Modern Motherhood” has got me thinking.  The two authors devote their book to making a case against the idea of perfection in motherhood; how our ultimate choices and philosophies informing our parenting should not only come from within, but also be somewhat fluid and adaptable.

Here’s what I think of the idea of “perfect”:  “Perfect” is a notion created by marketers in order to make us doubt ourselves.  And if we doubt ourselves, we are much more willing to substitute someone else’s judgment for our own.  If we believe that something is wrong, we are also quite likely to open our wallets in an attempt to make it “right”.  As women, who commonly have control of a household’s finances and make many of the buying decisions, we are a very popular target of marketers hoping to peddle us junk, ideas, diets, clothes, food….if only they can create the perceived need.  And oh, do they try.  Hello, “perfect”.  And with so many voices to listen to, and so many responsibilities to juggle, we have to be able to filter out some of the noise in order to bring a focus and a sense of order to our lives.

So perhaps that’s why the new “Tiger Mother” philosophy has been so powerful lately: it provides a blueprint for motherhood that allows us to shut out the other noise.  And it makes sense: focus on the discipline, the hard work, the achievement, and everything else will fall into place.  It’s hard work, but in the end, it promises, you will have raised a productive member of society.  Instead the overriding question in our minds should be, and I bet that Temple Schwartz and Beaupre Gillespie would agree here, is: Is hard work, achievement and discipline what you value above everything else?  Yes?  Great.  You’ll be an awesome Tiger Mother.  No?  Then please, do not even attempt it.

What gets forgotten here in all of the hand-wringing about what kind of parent we want or think we need to be, is that our kids learn the big stuff primarily by the example that we set for them.  And this alone deserves all of the attention that we can spare, NOT someone else’s ideas of what a ‘perfect’ parent looks like. Or getting caught up in the notions about what house/neighborhood/family structure/decor/food choices/lifestyle defines that perfection.

It seems to me that the closest you can get to your own sense of perfection as a parent is to pare down what, exactly, it is that you want to be valued in your house.  And exemplify, exemplify, exemplify.  Your kids will be watching.  And that’s the best way that they will learn whatever lesson it is that you would like to impart on them.  How you balance work and home will be a model for them.  How you relate to their father will be a model to them.  What you eat.  How you treat your neighbors.  How you treat strangers.  How you spend your money.  You are the living, breathing blueprint for your kids.  And as long as we have an innate understanding of this at every turn, that perfection we seek is far more likely to come from within.

But being a constant role model means also showing the struggles, the arguments, the day-to-day crap – not hiding the failed attempts, the sadness, the indecision that is a part of everyone’s life.  We have to be fluid and dynamic without letting go of our ideals.  And remember, no matter how close (or far) you are in an abstract sense to your individual sense of perfection, we all have to muddle through the real world of day-to-day crap.  No product or blueprint or program is gonna buy you out of that one.

“The perfect is the enemy of the good”

–God

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Cultural WTF: Hope for us all?

Posted on March 9, 2011 by admin

On a canister of complimentary plastic combs at a local spa:

“Lasts Forever! (and that’s a long long time)

Take One!  It’s Unbreakable — it says so right on the comb

Token of our appreciation”

Couldn’t everything just be labeled like this?  Particularly all of that other stuff that lasts forever, like the plastic bags at the supermarket, or plastic water bottles?  Unbreakable?  You mean I won’t have to replace it with another crappily made comb within a year?  Sold!  How much?  Free?  Get OUT!

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Cultural WTF: grocery store edition

Posted on March 8, 2011 by admin

Little sign affixed to my grocery store cart:

“Holiday Star Cookies: Just 3 ingredients!”

1. Store bought cookie dough

2. Store bought frosting

3. Blue sugar

Ummm….with the exception of ‘blue sugar’, these are not “ingredients”.  Pssst…..you want to make a really good sugar cookie from scratch?  You really only need 7 ingredients.  And you probably already have at least a few of them in your pantry at home.

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Cultural WTF: A picture essay

Posted on March 7, 2011 by admin

“Go ahead.  Get it.  You know you want to.”

In the fitting room of our local TJ Maxx.  As if desire were the only consideration when deciding whether to make a purchase.

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The Nook Pebble Mattress – a real review from a real mom

Posted on January 17, 2011 by admin

True story: I spent $550 on a mattress for my infant son.  Based on that, you may imagine that I dropped some serious coin into his nursery, creating a space that looks right off the page of the best baby room decor books.  You’d be wrong.  New coat of paint, mish-mash of some old furniture pieces awkwardly repurposed for baby’s stuff, night light, crib mobile, nice midrange nontoxic crib, $550 mattress.  So, why would someone be compelled to fork over so much money for just this one thing?

On average, my son spends about 14 or so hours a day sleeping in his crib.  Breathing in and out.  Rolling around, trying to get comfortable.  The crib mattress left over from son #1 (his big brother) was hard as a board.  Waterproof.  Bomb-proof.  And Son #1 never slept well, so we hurried him into a big boy bed very early on, so we could choose a softer mattress and he could finally sleep comfortably.  For this next round of child-rearing, I was adamant that we find a kinder mattress.  So I looked, and touched everything I could find locally.  Hard board after hard board.  Just about gave up hope, until I happened upon the Nook Pebble mattress at the locally-owned shop B. Lime.  Soft.  Beautiful (or at least interesting looking).  Checked the price tag.  Ack!  Sticker shock!  Walked away.  But it was still food for thought; I wasn’t completely put off, it just wasn’t going to be an impulse buy for me.  I came home, tried to do a little homework to find out if it was worth forking over that kind of dough.  I read all about Nook’s approach and philosophy: “Every material, manufacturing process and detail is micro-analyzed to make sure it provides the utmost in breathability, non-toxicity, comfort and convenience. We depend on our Board of scientists, designers, and parents for consistent innovation and new technologies. Nook does not compromise on product standards. If we can’t find the material or process necessary to deliver the healthiest night’s sleep, then we create it ourselves”.  Nice.

In the meantime, I read a chilling book authored by two guys willing to offer themselves up for a little experimentation with a handful of everyday toxins, Slow Death by Rubber Duck, a title that I wish were plucked from the Fiction aisle.  Of particular concern to the authors of the book were fire retardant chemicals (or PBDEs), which, when off-gassed into products like infant mattresses, become airborne and make their way into the little developing systems of our kids.  Endocrine disruptors, these chemicals are (yes, you may use a Yoda voice).  In other words, they mess with hormones.  And hormones govern nearly every dang process in your body.

Another score for Nook; it doesn’t use PBDEs.  Instead, it relies on the natural, old-fashioned fire retardant, wool.  And that other, hard as a board mattress from Son #1?  Was waterproof, which means that it made use of vinyl to prevent the mattress from being saturated.  More chemicals.  This time, phthalates.  Another chemical of high concern tracked and documented by Slow Death by Rubber Duck; another endocrine disruptor.  Guess what?  Nook doesn’t use any substance containing phthalates.

Still, I wasn’t entirely sold.  The only reviews that I could find online were not authored by people who actually owned one; just had seen a picture of it and wanted to comment (gee……..thanks.)  So I emailed the company to open up a dialogue about my concerns about dropping that kind of dough on a mattress that maybe wasn’t everything I hoped.  I grilled them about the fine details of the materials that they used, their purposes, and potential hazards.  I walked away completely satisfied.  I talked to the local store owner about the Nook she’d gotten for her baby daughter, the only real-life testimonial I could track down, but completely invaluable.

So, suffice to say, I DID my homework.  And I dropped the $600.  That was six months ago, and I’ve never, not once, regretted doing that.  I can rest easy knowing that my little one is not absorbing chemicals while he sleeps.  The mattress pad looks beautiful in the crib, and nice and soft; he sleeps very well in it.  Washing is a breeze – the mattress pad zips on and off easily and is held tightly in place with velcro.

So, if you’re in a similar situation, and wondering whether it’s worth the price, particularly if you’re not fortunate enough to have a retailer in your area so you can see and touch for yourself, I’m here to tell you: it’s worth it.  In fact, your nursery dollars are best spent here.  I assure you, I’ve done ALL of the footwork.  And what’s more, Nook has since introduced a lighter, more inexpensive version of it’s Pebble Mattress, allowing you to wade into these waters, rather than just jump right in.

Thank you to Nook for for offering such an outstanding mattress option among a sea of toxic boards, and going to such impressive lengths to ensure that every detail is optimized for health, comfort, and convenience.  Your product is worth every penny.

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From Happy Meals to Sarah Palin; The Fast Food of Politics

Posted on November 23, 2010 by admin

A simple Google search of the terms “happy meal” and “San Francisco” a couple of weeks ago turned up all sorts of sensationalist headlines: “Happy Meals Under Attack“, “No More McDonald’s Happy Meals for San Francisco Kids”, “San Francisco Cracks Down on Happy Meals (and their ilk)”. Twitter and Facebook were suddenly chock full of shared links on the topic, and fuller still of commentary.
It’s one of those things that can really manage to cut to the heart of the divisiveness that has plagued us lately. Reading the headline will surely produce an emotional response — “Oh no, it’s the end of the Happy Meal!” (insert treasured childhood memories related to Happy Meals), and, depending on your leanings, your anger about this emotion that you’re feeling can be directed at San Francisco — a geographical place that has somehow become code for “far left”.
Then the already-sensationalist headlines become “Nanny-State Liberals Ban Happy Meals in San Francisco”, and “San Fran Nannies Steal Happy Meals from Children” (no, I’m not making this up).
And all of a sudden the world is collapsing in on itself. Surely we are all going to heck in a handbasket if we allow (insert object of anger) to get away with this.
Here’s where you stop and breathe. Take a couple of steps back; close your Twitter and Facebook windows. Click on one of those first links about the Happy Meal, and do me a favor, OK? Read it. Find out what really went down in San Fran. I’ll condense it here for you: “The measure will make San Francisco the first major city in the country to forbid restaurants from offering a free toy with meals that contain more than set levels of calories, sugar and fat. The ordinance also would require restaurants to provide fruits and vegetables with all meals for children that come with toys.”

Oh, you say, is that it?  It’s about not offering toys in meals that exceed 600 calories?  Not the end of the Happy Meal/world?

Yes, that’s it.

Here’s why:  We, as parents, want to provide our kids with nutritious meals.  Yes, we ALL do.  But when your kid is watching TV and sees that the new toy in the Happy Meal is a Toy Story thing that he/she pesters you about for days, it stops being an argument about nutritious food choices.  Suddenly, he/she must have the toy, and you have to buy crappy food to get it.  Any attempts to make this a teachable moment about good food vs. crappy food is lost (McDonald’s can never win that battle in the first place, and they know it), because instead it’s about the stinkin toy.

So your kid gets the toy, McDonald’s gets your money, and you feed him a crappy meal.  That makes him want another crappy meal.  And another.  That’s how your body responds to the fat/cheese/sugar that makes up the Happy Meal as we know it.  The ordinance is designed to take the toy out of the equation (or at least reserve the toy for less crappy food), and then the argument can go back to being about good food vs. crappy food.

But somehow, the sensationalist news headlines are changing the argument.  In the world of social media, the headline controls the day, and the headline is designed to make you feel as if your childhood is being stolen from you by government who want to control your food choices.  And somehow, somehow, we are actually being made to fight for the right of multinational corporations to peddle crappy food to our children by offering them a toy.

But if this seems like an isolated case, it’s not: this is becoming our political culture — the culture of the headline, and the corporate lobbyists behind the headline that make the push for something to go viral and hit all of the right buttons to garner up the appropriate emotional response in order for us to demand something that is actually BAD for us.  If you are worked up enough about the headline, you generally don’t read up before you respond; especially if the conversation is already opening up in front of you via social media.

This is Fast Food politics.  The politics of Sarah Palin, who never bothers to operate at a level beyond sensationalist headline, namecalling, button-pushing.  And she thinks she can beat President Obama.  And unless we can somehow all reject this fast foodiness of our information gathering, I’m afraid that maybe she can.

After all, even San Francisco’s mayor buckled to the pressure, vetoing the citywide regulation on peddling toys to kids.  But that headline got buried, because the next week, everyone’s panties were in a bunch about pork barrel spending, and this week, apparently, it’s whether or not you’ll be groped or ogled by your friendly TSA official as you attempt your Holiday traveling.

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